


Plummet As I Sing

by odetotyler



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Gen, Panic Attack Mention, Sad, Suicide mention, basically tyler falls during car radio, blood mention, but not really, that's it I think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:36:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetotyler/pseuds/odetotyler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tyler fell.</p><p>(and Josh wasn't there to catch him)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Plummet As I Sing

He had a feeling that the show wasn't going to go well. Josh's stomach twisted the entire time, waiting for the big crowd-pleaser that was car radio. The moment Tyler put his first foot on the bar to climb to the top of the stage, Josh wanted to stop the entire show and tell him to come back down.

Tyler had screamed the last line of the song with passion, the crowd cheering, looking up to see the 26-year-old standing above them all, his neck and hands black with paint. 

Josh remembered the second he saw Tyler's foot slip out from beneath him. The lighting guy standing on the same platform had tried his best to grab on to him, but in vain. Josh had kicked through his drum kit and hit a security guard in the face with a drumstick as he tried to run to catch Tyler. 

He couldn't.

Now he was sat at the back of an ambulance with a shock blanket of some sort around his broad shoulders. He couldn't stop shaking. Nobody helped him when he'd had two panic attacks within minutes of each other after he witnessed his best friend plummeting twenty feet down to the stage below. One on stage in front of hundreds of people, too. Everyone was too busy trying to either evacuate the fans, calling ambulances or trying to make sure Tyler was breathing to even look over at Josh. He didn't mind. It wasn't about him. He couldn't even look at Tyler, either. He probably should have.

Jenna was screaming at a paramedic ten feet away, swearing and crying as she demanded to know why she wasn't allowed in an ambulance with Tyler, who had left five minutes prior. She screeched and pushed the medic, adamant to get answers or at least be driven to the hospital to see him. Josh didn't mind. He couldn't bare to go and wait in a waiting room to be told that Tyler would be left with permanent brain damage, or that he'd taken his last breath moments before. Josh didn't know if he had even cracked his skull and was still alive going to the hospital, but he wasn't up to inquiring. He was quiet. The only one to be, really.

Mark was pacing the stage with his hair being pulled by his own hands and angry sobs escaped between his gritted teeth. Michael had a phone rested between his head and his shoulder as his lips quivered, delivering the news to Tyler's mother at the other side of the country. 

Josh just had a silent stream of salty tears streaming down his face. His shoulders shook, not by the temperature or how air felt around him, sat on the back of an ambulance. His hands had locked up, barely able to move, as they held the blanket around his shivering shoulders. His mind raced to the endless amount of possibilities of Tyler's condition. The boy whom Josh had grown to love as if he were a brother. The boy who had sat with Josh at nights when he couldn't sleep, who kept him occupied when the bad thoughts were at bay. The boy who's brown eyes had looked into Josh's one day back in 2012 and who's lips curved into a smile to tell Josh he was going to be okay, and that life wasn't going to be all that bad for either of them after all.

Now his blood spilled across the black stage, a ski mask probably lying somewhere close by. Josh's drum kit was scattered and fallen on the raised platform, Tyler's ukulele hanging idle on the black stand. Josh was having a hard time focussing on his breathing, trying not to become the centre of attention after his best friend had just been taken to hospital. 

Useless. That's how he felt. Tyler was a risk taker, risking his life to put on a show for thousands of people he may never see again. That's how it went most nights. He'd climb back down and tell Josh backstage about how grateful he was to be alive and not have fallen. That's how it should've went. 

"Josh!" Jenna walked towards Josh, her blonde hair sticking to her tear soaked face, black mascara streaked down her rosy cheeks. "I thought you were backstage, you-" her tone was harsh, as she spat words with a sense of bitterness. Josh couldn't bare to look her in the eye, he was a mess. With his inability to move his hands and the blood beginning to seep from where he'd found himself biting down on his lip, he felt like he needed a hot shower and a long, long sleep. Her hands connected with his chest then, pushing him back as she furrowed her eyebrows. "You know, if it wasn't for this fucking band, he could still be alive. All this 'stay alive' shit you promote and I don't even know if he is still alive. Fighting for his breath, easily. You couldn't have told him not to climb tonight. You could've told him, Josh. And you fucking didn't." She was babbling, tears pooling in the bottom of her eyes with greater quantity now. Josh didn’t say anything. She poured her heart out, switching between being angry at josh and being incredibly upset. Josh didn’t tell her that every single night he tries to convince Tyler to stop climbing. That every time Tyler laughs and tells him that it’s his thing. It hadn’t really sunk in that Tyler was seriously injured, yet. He’d passed the stage of panicking in fear of the unknown, and the sense of eerie calm spread over him as he sat, trying hard to control his breathing, not quite listening to Jenna as she blubbered like a baby to him. He almost didn’t notice a paramedic coming over to him, either, zoned out as his head spun, suddenly tired.

“Do you know what day it is today, Joshua?” They shone a bright light into his eyes and asked him to follow it with his pupils. He nodded his head. “Do you mind telling me?” 

“I didn’t fall. Tyler did.” Josh’s voice was hoarse, cracking as he said Tyler’s name. “I didn’t fall.”

“And we know that,” They took the blanket from around his shoulders. “Just procedure. Are you alright?”

Josh wanted to scream when he heard that. Are you alright? Did he look alright? He’d just witnessed his best friend plummet towards the stage in seconds. He’d just seen his best friend being carried away in an ambulance, unconscious. He’d just had two consecutive panic attacks and was nearly very much on the edge of a third. Did they really think Josh was alright? 

He nodded anyway. He didn’t need any more attention. This wasn’t about him. 

When Mark walked over to meet the two of them, his lips were pursed until his nodded his head in the direction of where the van was kept. “Michael’s gone out to talk to a couple people still waiting outside.” His voice croaked, having been nearly screaming as he cried moments prior. “We can go now, if you want.” Josh didn’t really want to, but he obliged anyway. He didn’t wait for a medic to come back and let him know it was okay for him to go, even though his hands were still locked up pretty bad and his entire body still shook as if he were in an arctic snowstorm. 

He kept his mouth shut as they drove in silence towards the hospital. So did Jenna and Mark. The only sound being the dull tapping of Jenna’s feet, bouncing up and down as she looked out the window, fingers twirling the ends of her hair. Mark tried making conversation a couple times but stopped after Jenna yelled at him to stop pretending as if nothing had happened, as if they weren’t going to see whether or not Tyler was fucking dead. 

Josh started to feel sick when he saw signs for the hospital. He got sick and mad when he saw a group of girls waiting outside the hospital. Generally, he would’ve thought they’d have gone home to get some therapy or some shit after seeing Tyler fall. He got angry when he saw other people crying. Jealousy, but not really? He felt like they didn’t deserve to cry, even though they clearly idolised the two of them very much and Tyler had the power to write lyrics that encouraged people to continue with their lives, but Josh was his best friend. They hadn’t known Tyler for six years in the way that Josh did. They didn’t know how Tyler slept, how he spoke in the mornings, how he acts when he’s ill. Josh deserved to cry. Josh deserved to be upset. 

Josh didn’t deserve to be told that information about Tyler’s condition were confidential and could not be shared unless he was immediate family. That’s when both Jenna and Mark lost it. Josh simply sat down, his arms wrapped around himself, his hands awkwardly holding the opposite shoulder, his fingers still twisted up. He rocked back and forth, eyes fixated on the ground. A woman beside him asked several times if he needed a doctor, if he was okay. He pretended he didn’t hear her, his eyes screwed shut, the sound of Tyler’s wife yelling in the background filling his ears.

“Josh, look at me, open your eyes.” 

It wasn’t the woman that time, but he still didn’t oblige. Voices screamed in his mind that Tyler was dead and it was all his fault. Jenna was right. He could’ve stopped Tyler.

“Listen to me, Josh.” He felt hands cup his face. “Open your eyes. Breathe.” Josh opened his eyes to find himself face to face with Mark. “You’re okay.”

“I’m okay?” Josh pushed him back. “I’m fucking okay, am I?” He could barely breathe, his chest tightened. “Is Tyler dead or is he not?” He yelled at the receptionist, all eyes on him. They shrugged their shoulders, a look of fear flashing through their dark green eyes. That’s when his face screwed up and he found himself sitting on the ground, trying desperately to breathe in between sobs and shortness of breath. He sat with his head between his knees, trying to completely calm himself down. It was impossible really, with a doctor trying to get him to explain what was happening and if he’d ever had a panic attack before. Obviously he had, but he wasn’t in a position to tell them that they were a fairly regular occurrence. He felt like he was going to pass out. The smell of hand sanitiser and the squeaking of shoes on the polished floors was starting to give him a headache. 

Eventually he was able to stand up again, only in time for a nurse to come out and start speaking to Jenna. Mark held Josh for a little while, rubbing his back and whispering to him that Tyler was going to be alright. That everything was going to be fine.

Of course it wasn’t.

He didn’t know who was stupider. Mark for proposing the idea that they were all going to be alright, or Josh for believing that for even a split second it was true. The fans outside had been told to leave, that now was really not the time to ask for a picture. Josh knew they were all just worried, but the thought of them seeing any of the crew, band or their families in such a way wasn’t fair for them. Josh didn’t like the fact that they’d probably seen him swear and have an almost-panic-attack on the floor of a waiting room in a crowded hospital. They didn’t need to see that, after some of them seeing what they did back at the venue. 

“He’s still alive, Josh. He’s alive. He’s unconscious and his head is bleeding really badly and most of his body is pretty beaten up but oh my god, he’s alive.” Jenna spewed in one breath, a smile plastered on her face. “We can go in, but only two of us, she said. Mark?”

“Go.” Mark wiped the corners of his eyes. “You need it most. Tell me how he is, yeah? Give him a kiss for me, Jen.” With that, she grabbed Josh’s hand as they followed a nurse to the intensive care ward, where Tyler was staying. 

Walking into the room to see Tyler so fragile, with wires and machines hooked up to different parts of his body, was a sight that tugged the breath out of Josh’s lungs. He covered his mouth, stood in the door frame. Jenna wasted no time in getting over to his bed, kissing anywhere that wasn’t covered in something medical. 

“Ty, baby, can you hear me?” She bent down next to the bed, her shoes squeaking as she did so. Her voice was soft, her face still wet from tears. “You’re done with the climbing, you hear that? Your feet are staying on the ground from now on. Don’t ever do that again. I love you, Tyler. I love you so much.”

He didn’t respond to her. No movement at all, the only noise after Jenna spoke being the beeping of some machine beside Tyler’s bed.

“I’m sorry.” Josh whispered. “This all leads back to me, Tyler, I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to fall, not today. You told me earlier you were feeling good about the way your life was going and this fucks everything up royally, doesn’t it? You told me that you felt good about the show. I need you, Tyler. I can’t do this without you.” Did Josh know that Tyler probably couldn’t hear him? Yeah. Did he care? No.

“You don’t deserve this, Tyler. Should’ve been me.” His voice cracked. “Should’ve been me.” That’s when things got scary. Tyler started convulsing like crazy, the machine going insane beside him. The beeping made Josh immediately bring his hands to his ears. Blood stained the sheets behind Tyler’s head, and Josh couldn’t bare to look when four doctors rushed into the room, telling the two of them that they really needed to go. Jenna backed away, her hands shaking as they covered her mouth. Tyler’s nose was bleeding, his entire body moving as if he were having a fit, the monitor on the stand screaming to let everyone know something was wrong. 

“Tyler?” Josh called his name. “What’s happening? You said he was alive, what’s wrong with him?” A female doctor turned to him and told him that it was important he stayed calm and that he needed to leave, right then.

Josh broke.

He kicked over a chair that was beside the bed, hitting his fist into the wall. Jenna tried to restrain him, but that didn’t stop him screeching at the doctors that Tyler needed to stay alive. She took him outside the room, where he broke down into tears like he’d never cried before. He babbled about how he didn’t stay up until 5am with Tyler’s suicidal thoughts and idea’s all those years ago for him to die doing what he loved, so soon into their career. His hands pulled desperately at his hair, not seized up anymore, but balled into a fist as he sobbed loudly into his knees. 

“I need him, Jenna. You need him. His family, the fans. He can’t leave like this. He can’t.” The words fell from Josh’s lips, the taste of salty tears and metallic blood from his lips filling his mouth. Jenna kissed the side of his head gently, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“We’ll be okay, Josh. He’ll fight until he can’t anymore and if he thought he hadn’t done what he wanted to in life he would stay alive through the night and tomorrow. Tyler-” She took a deep, shaky breath. “He know when enough is enough. You know he loves you, Josh. Both of us. We’ll be okay.” They were both sat on the sterilized floors, Jenna head resting on Josh’s shoulder, tears still running down his face.

That’s when the news wasn’t a surprise. The doctor told him that something had gone really wrong in Tyler’s brain, with him bleeding from the inside. They tried to save him, they did, but twenty minutes of CPR wasn’t going to help with internal bleeding of his brain.  
Tyler was officially announced dead a couple minutes later. Josh just nodded as they spoke, before turning to Jenna and simply holding her. He wrapped his arms around her small frame as she sobbed into his collarbone, him crying into her hair. A solid twenty minutes passed before they decided it wasn’t fair to leave Mark waiting downstairs not knowing what was going on. Josh held her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, trying to keep himself composed. The walk back down two flights of stairs in silence was agonizing, Josh trying to keep himself as calm as possible, trying not to throw himself down the fucking stairs. That’s how he felt with Tyler gone. An emptiness filled his entire body, as if he’d misplaced apart of himself. 

The look Mark had when he saw the pair walk into the room was unforgettable. His eyes were puffy, and Josh had never seen someone’s face fall so quickly in his life. Jenna sat down with Mark’s girlfriend, Jenna, while Mark looked at Josh for answers. 

“Well? How is he? He’s good, right? He’s got to be. Tell me he’s okay Josh. Tell me that this is all some stupid dream and we’ve got a show tomorrow and you’ve got a new song on the setlist. Tell me this isn’t real. Tell me he’s alive. Please.” Mark had his hands on his face, his breathing shaky.

“I could. I’m sorry.” Josh simply whispered, his eyes looking at the floor. He pulled at the bottom of his shirt, trying to avoid Mark’s eyes. “He’s dead Mark. He’s dead and I don’t know what to do. I don’t.” The room fell silent. Everyone knew what Tyler meant to him, let alone Jenna and the rest of the crew. They were sure life would continue. Plants would grow, the sun would rise and the moon would fall every day. It just wouldn’t be the same. 

Maybe he was happy now, wherever he was. He’d lived a life with it’s ups and downs. Josh could only hope he was happy. Happiness is what Tyler always wanted, more than anything. Maybe he had that now.

Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> ahh idk if this is any good or not tbh leave a comment idk? also lowkey wanna write the funeral but??? SAD???????


End file.
